27 December 2013

Challenge Day 13 - 'Budgie Smugglers' and role play

Twas one of those nights, you know the sort when two old friends sit and discuss plans they have for the year to come over a pint or two. This evening was to be a touch different though as they sat starting into a nice large pint of the Black stuff. The Badger Baiters Arms was a typical spit 'n' sawdust affair and a much favoured drinking hole of Francis's. A motley array of faces lined the bar, many a weather beaten with a sprinkling of fair damsel thrown in to break it all up. Ray as usual had his eyes on swivel sticks as his head rotated like an owl in order to take advantage of fair maidens.

Francis decided that another pint was needed so he could get Ray's attention, over the years he had come to realise that in order to actually talk to Ray he needed to be lubricated well so his mind opened up!! Several lubrication's later and Francis decided to open up the conversation to fantasy games. Ray usual shunned this form of gaming as malarkey only fit for fools but tonight would be different, not being used to the heady dark brew his mind was opened. Similarly though Francis had also consumed a large volume of the brew as well, in fact so much so he began to hear voices.

"D'ya heat dat Ray, d'ya hear it. there's a feckin' fairy sat on the table right in front of me!!"

"Your 'aving a bubble mate there ain't no fairy! You have consumed to much black water my friend" came the high pitched retort from Ray.

"I'm tellin ya there is ya eejeet!"

Suddenly Ray could see it standing on the table was a tiny wee fairy!!

"Fran you are right bugger me there is one right enough."

Once the pair had got over the shock, the fairy spoke, I am the fairy of Christmas cheer and on this night I am going to grant you one longed for wish each. You don't need to do anything at all as I already know what they are. The pair of them sat in their chairs mouths agog.

"Francis you have always wished for Ray to get more involved with the fantasy gaming haven't you?"
Ray you have always wanted to be bigger presence than Francis haven't you?"

Both shook There heads in agreement and suddenly the fairy waved her wand and the pair were transported through a magical vortex of time and space!

They both emerged from the vortex in a strange world,
Ray was rather puzzled as he could not see his good friend Francis, all he could feel was a wetness under foot and realised he was in swampy ground although it felt firm enough under foot for him to feel safe. He could hear a muffled groaning.
The muffled groans were coming from Francis who had been transformed into a dwarf. However he was not feeling like this was any form of Christmas cheer and could be heard trying to gain Rays attention with his shouts!! " Oi Ray ya fecking eejet will you get your bloody great foot off of me."
More shouting could be heard from Francis " That fecking fairy has a lot to answer for!! just wait till I get me hands on her" he quipped

Meanwhile Ray was still trying to locate his friend and an eventual glance downward he spotted the dwarf "Blow me Francis is that you?"
"of course its me you feckin dimwit now get off me" came the reply.
Ray then spoke again " well you are definitely smaller than me for once", " I may be small but you are even dumber than usual" came the barbed reply.

"what da ya mean" said Ray. "you're a feckin Troll thats what" retorted Fran.
"well we are definately in a fantasy setting me old pal" said Ray.
"I'm not so keen on the fantasy lark now Ray" "enough is enough Fairy get me back in the pub" shouted Francis.
Once again the fairy waved her wand and the two old friends were sat in the same spot with beer in hand and the fairy had gone.

"I wont mention Fantasy ever again Ray" quipped Francis.
"I dont know I quite enjoyed that" replied Ray
"Well I didn't " said Francis
"Why not, I didnt know I was gonna end up stood on ya" said Ray

"I wasn't bothered about you standing on me!! but the sight of you as a Feckin' great Troll in red budgie smugglers has damaged me for life!" came Francis's reply.

with that they finished their drinks and went home!!


40 comments:

  1. Perfect, you sir are evil :-)

    Ian

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  2. Excellent! Great build up to a perfect miniature. Retro Citadel all the way.

    Cheers, Ross

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  3. PMSL... I am sure Ray will have his revenge

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  4. I was doing fine until the red budgie smugglers, I've got fecking partial blindness!

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    1. Imagine trying to paint the damned things with thoughts of Ray in my head

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  5. Mad as a march hare!!!!!!! and they're blue not red! Fran does need a little trampling sometimes!!!

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    1. Step up bollox and get a cracker kick!

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    2. I May be mad but there is a cure for that somewhere :)

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  6. Brilliant stuff Loki! You are truly the God of Mischief! :)

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  7. Best read all year!!! Fantastic !

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  8. Oh but this was as grand a tale as was ever told! Me big Irishman turned into little dwarf and steeped upon by that bastard Rousell.

    I confess I wet myself a wee bit while laughing :)

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    Replies
    1. Incontinence knickers for you cailin!

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    2. Yes I believe they are called Tena Lady!!!

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  9. Most amusing - I look forward to your further fantasy adventures.... I hear MiddleEarth is quite pleasant at this time of year...;-)

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    1. thank you Scott, middle earth you say is that near Valhalla at all ;)

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  10. Now that was funny! A very dark fantasy theme running through the tale. I long for more in the series. Maybe something with a Detol Monster!

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    1. Glad you liked it Clint . Hmm Dettol Monster now there is a thought although if I remember it ended with Ray having a scabby member that might not be to good ;)

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  11. Highly entertaining Andrew and great painting!

    Christopher

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  12. That was a wonderful tale, and a great troll too!

    Poor dwarf...what a bad spot to be in.

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    1. I like to provide alternative entertainment occasionally

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  13. Excellent! Christmas ghost story next?

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    1. I never really know what is going to come next I just get these thoughts and run with them they are so random

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  14. Hysterical. Now I know what "budgie smugglers" are … I think.

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    1. In case you need clarification they are underpants or tight swimming trunks ;)
      Either way glad you liked the story Michael

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